Successfully failed love
It’s not like m never been touched by what people call the most beautiful and serine sailing thing in the world, LOVE. But the problem with me is that it, love, touched me so many times that it paralysed my mind in defining it.
Question: What is love??
Answer:- wo kitni mast lag rahi hai yaar.. I think m in love with her.
Now this is the only best way I can define it ;) and thanks to this stupid psychology of mine,I was in love ,well, so many times in past, clearly knowing that, that was not crush for sure and I failed successfully every time.
Successfully failed love “A”
"We were both young wen i first saw uuu... I close my eyes and the flashback starts"
There are so many stupid things u do when u r in your Sixteen’s. One thing which is still fresh in my neurons is the dance group I used to go to for some freshen up from 11th science studies. It was pimple age and testosterone was on peak. Evolved from the place where u were only allowed to dance with a same sex during school, joining this dance group was a chance for me to explore the other world and live to some of my pending fantasies, BOLLYWOOD ESHTYLEs.
There were many girls of different age groups and my shyness was sweet for few “elder” girls. I’d smooth and silky “just evolved mustaches”. Grown in a family where DD-1 and DD-2 where the only assets of stupid box and Alisha’s MADE IN INDIA was the best I could have, this girls in dance group was kinda like a dream. Starting couple of days were just PINCHING ON EPIDERMIS, confirming the existence of this real world.
While practising on Mohabattein’s famous track and been playing Shahrukh I was waiting for my “line” at the back of some 6 dancing monkeys. As when it was going to hit “ANKHEN KHULI HO YA HO BAND” I started taking the meow steps to uncover myself, monkeys started giving me room and while moving ahead I saw something in silky white top and denim jeans waving both hands and enjoying shattered practice. Different from the other girls and with a black liner on eyebrows I was stunned and stopped, pretending practicing wrong. Now trying again and waiting at the back was like a year. I was so eager to watch that beauty again and without even realizing I was in front before even my line hits and she started laughing, she laughed out. Now at your sixteen, “ladki hasi yani fasi. I started feeling proud of my stupid act.
Fortunately one of my ex school mate was also there. I asked her to help me and inquire everything about the girl. Now there she was, a girl from mid class Christian family, "A". She was studying in the same grade as me and was in my ex school’s sister branch. I started droping myself before time everyday by bunking last school lectures and after dance practice I started following her on my Hercules MTB 9000 cycle. She used to come by pink colour LADY BIRD with a net bucket on its handle.
This went for some more weeks and even our MTB and LADY BIRD fallen in love. Our bicycles started talking to each other by their tire frictions noises and whistle sounds, but we didn't had a single word till the time. Being new to the world of LOVE, I asked my friend to help me. She talked to her and told her my daily 'following practice' and my likeness. As scripted by my friend to me, she was very happy to know and told she knew that I’m following her. She was even waiting for my signal. Oh man, that was the best thing I've heard since was born.
Phir kya tha,, Shanky was not gonna wait for anybody. I just asked her out and told her to meet me after dance practice. To my surprise she came early. We met at big empty ground which was just behind our dance place. Now there was the situation, how to start the conversation? I started with studies and then came to know that she is from hindi medium. She started talking about her classmates and teachers. Her milky white skin and her dark brown hair made me lose control over our conversation once a while. Just watching her speak was sufficient for me to understand that she must be speaking something good. She was awesome her lips were cherry red and cheeks were pink matching her lady bird cycle. We talked more couple of hours about family, future plans and monkeys in our dance group and then she realized the time of tuition. I, on the other side already missed one, as I was in science and she was in commerce, I was having tuition for every subjects. She sweetly kept her hand bag in her bicycle's bucket and moved.
The night that day was long, I transferred my soul to bollywood era and was dancing romantically on every damn song I know with her. From Dil to pagal hai to Kuch kuch hota hai and Mohabattein tracks were adding cherry to my dream. Man, she do was awesome and sweet. Her eyes with little kazal and her killer smile, each 32 teeth were in place and in plane, was killing me. Singing "yeh dil deewana, deewaaannaa hai yeh dil" on my MTB 9000 was creating Shahrukh khan's impression for myself. Offcourse couldn’t sleep that night and waited night to over.
School lectures seems ages when u know that your angel is waiting for you. Having far school, I have to catch two buses to reach home first and then couple of kilometres bicycle ride to the angel's destination. There she was, waiting and smiling. It’s a "out of the world" feeling when super glossy light red lips and "In plane" teeth shows up, just for you.
I'd 6 different songs to practice every day but she was in none of my tracks and if you want to be successful in BOLLYWOOD GUYS WORLD, you need to have a girl dancing with you in total bollywood eshtyle. So I asked my "so called" instructor to let me have one more song and even grab the liberty to choose a partner for myself. We met at the same empty big ground and asked her to be my partner in my next song. She sweetly replied "JAANA,, Tere thaath kaise naachoongi?". Now here is a 'twist', she was little "TOTTLEE" too ;). That "thaath" was "saath". But she was damn sweet. Every guy always has soft heart for one particular habit or sign for his partner. I had this one. She was "sweet tottlee" and mind it, it was not a baby one. She used to slip only some of the words, that’s it. Now one thing led to another and another on other. I started convincing her more n more and finally she was ready to hop in.
Which song??,, I started rolling my audio cassettes to find a beautiful romantic song in which I can hold and touch her as much as possible, but it didn't help. I was already practicing 6 songs and among, some songs, were suitable but had other monkeys in it. GOD is always great, I switched on the stupid box and found GOVIDA is dancing on a track "laal chunariyaan wali pe dil aaya re". Oh man, it was the perfect song and there were abundant chances of me to touch, lift, and push her at every sweet romantic short interval.
Now I’d song and girl both, living all guys fantasies. I choreographed the song and had great fun. She used to blush every time I pull her near me. It was so awesome dancing with pink cheek beauty and trying every bollywood eshtyle known to my senses. No wonder I was dancing no better than salsa. It was like god from above throwing roses petals on us while we were dancing and creating 'kuch kuch hota hai' aroma around us.
It was a the day of performance. We were surrounded with great applauses and whistles after our performance. It was a STAR feeling and I was a SUPERSTAR as I’d sweetest and sexiest pinky lady bird with me. Mine other performances also went awesome and cherries by lot of applauses. Mohabattein's “aankhen khooli ho ya ho band" was a hit. "A" and I decided to go back alone and as she didn’t come with her lady bird, we took my MTB 9000. It was so romantic, she was sitting in front of my bicycle and cool breeze making her hair waving, disturbing and teasing my nose at almost midnight. We took our time and talked about our performances. It was actually our first taste of success after 10th grade board and we were celebrating by riding together on one cycle. We reached the same big empty ground. It was almost next day and around 2 am, we sat there and had lovely talk for next more hours, with her hand in my hand all the time. We realized that time is more than our families permit and see off each other with a flying kiss. I was damn tired and was deserving the sound sleep, next day school was compulsory as this dance thing already done reasonable damages to my studies.
Next day in school, teacher enters and gave a mysterious smile to me, till the realization of situation they called me up on the stage and narrated my day before fame story and whole class started applauding. It was like super star feeling and I started waving my hand from stage. Now this is what you expect when you reach school after such a wonderful performance back night, but it was a day dream, u bloody can't expect this dreamy world from SCIENCE CLASS of C U SHAH SCHOOL, school which was among the best schools of Ahmedabad. It was a declaration day of 11th grade first terminal exams and my overall result of all papers, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics and even Sanskrit was not more than 34%. Oh man, I was among very few few few golden students who didn't even pass single exam. Thanks to my bloody smartness of manipulating results in front of my parents, I produced fake result diary to my father. 11th grade, my fellow classmates even started taking tuitions for 12th science aur mere to 11th ke hi thikane nahi the.
One of my best fellow classmate asked me the reason for my super flop show in 1st terminal, I narrated him my love with "A" story and instead of advising me he was interested to know more and prompted me to go further to live every guys fantasy. He was more excited to see me going than I even wanna and more interested in ruining me than my idea of ruining myself. I was feeling “so right” about the feelings in my heart that time, hell ya I was about to live born fantasies so why not, hell with the studies and let me take the relationship with "A" to the next level. Even KISS was pending. Just think KISS while STUDYING - Possible, but STUDY while KISSING - Mission Impossible.
I asked her out for a movie and we went for one 'women issue" movie released that time. It was total 3 and half hours of just hand in hand. We talk, talk and talked a lot except the 3 majestic words in our conversation, which were suffocating in my mouth like hell. I couldn't found courage to utter single and reached home just like that. Next day we met at the same big empty ground and she started crying. Wow girls really look awesome while crying, especially when she is so pink and more when u r in love. Your crying love always looks lovely. I thought it was cause of last day’s 'women issue' movie but it was not. Her 1st terminal's results were declared and she was crying as she couldn't score first class and her father scolded her a lot. I asked my heart, bloody hell, it is better than my 34% but "matured me" thought this is not a good way to defend. I hugged her and told her that everything will be alright. Don't know, out of blue I asked her to stop seeing me to repair that study damages and she bloody agreed without any questions. It was a blunder, a great blunder tongue. I should not have put those "not seeing" ideas in her head. But when u do only way to undo is to hurt, so I passed the idea of undoing confidently believing that she will be back to square one soon.
Ha ha ha ha ha "Girls". The very next day, she was back. Previously there were no rules to see each other but then 7 pm to 8 pm bracket decided for that big empty ground. It was going awesome. It became lovely single hour of everyday but I was packed with tuitions and my mathematics tutor decided to give me some homework to improve my calculations. I skipped couple of lovely hours and thanks to 'NO MOBILE" era there were no questions and explanations. I went to the big empty ground after 2 days and waited whole hour but she didn’t show up and even the next day. She might have come the next day but I skipped as was busy in integrations and differentiations. We didn't met for next like month and second terminals fear started dancing around my head.
I started repairing my study damages and I was doing well but her lovely pink chick face was always disturbing me. While doing calculus I didn’t realized that I’d drawn her name instead of graph. I tattooed my leg with her name. Hell with the studies, I thought to visit her place on coming Christmas eve with our common friend. Her parents will never sense the motive as they were Christian and people will offcourse keep visiting their place for the piece of cake.
I visited with my friend and my angel came out of with a plate full of chocolate cake. Oh yummy,, now thats not important, she was not talking much. Why the hell she is not talking to me. She started murmuring with our common friend and leaving me wondering their conversations. The clouds of doubt fogged my mind as unexpected situation had clogged the thought process of my life. It was unacceptable. I interrupted their conversation and asked the reason for not talking to me. She just offered me another piece of chocolate cake and told that "every boy is same". People never defend at micro age. I left her house, took my bicycle and started crying while reaching the same big empty ground.
My micro heart was broken and all "screwed things" started rolling around my head exactly like bird rolls when Mickey Mouse hit a light pole. My "Screwed School Mates", "Screwed Studies", "Screwed Parents" and my "Screwed LOVE". It was definitely the time to move 'ON'. Offcourse I didn't do well even in second terminals ;) but atleast passed 3 out of 7 subjects. Her face started evaporating from my mind slowly slowly. Today it’s a fact; I can't even sketch the detail of her face. But as we all know the past is history and future is a mystery, so what we have now is a gift that’s probably why it’s called a present.
